Someone once told me that the one thing they feared most in life, even over death, was a blank page…
At the time I remember not understanding this, as, for myself, writing brings forth a feeling of both freedom and connection. It offers a sort of calm from the chaos brewing within the folds of my gray matter and provides a quiet place to simply be…
So, today, as I begin my journey of blogging, I do so fully understanding that the fear of a blank page is a reality...
It never ceases to amaze me how death or the possibility of death changes one's perspective.
In June, our dear family friend, dave (Yes, lowercase D.), was awaiting a possibly terminal diagnosis. dave, a published writer and photographer, has always seemed to effortlessly capture the simple moments in life and display proof that we are, in fact, alive. Over the years, dave has been one of the few people that I have shared my love of writing and photography with. We have engaged in many wonderful conversations on the two subjects and, in "dave" fashion, he has always been encouraging and supportive of my writing and photography endeavors.
The weeks spent waiting for an answer on dave's fate seemed to linger endlessly. Time was passed sharing many emails and phone conversations with him. During those conversations, we candidly discussed "life" and "death". It was during these discussions when dave made a request for me to continue writing. "Please keep writing," he said. Processing this request was difficult… It felt as if it were almost a sort of moral imperative. Writing would keep a part of him alive. It would make up for the soon-to-be-lost moments of exchanging writing ideas and long photography walks. The suggested medium was a blog. I remember thinking to myself, great, just what the world needs, another blogger…
In July, we found out that dave's medical scare was just that - a scare. The world was not ready for dave to go and with fingers crossed we will have many more years to enjoy living life with him! Four months have passed since learning of dave's extended expiration date (Yes, that is intended to be funny), yet the thoughts of purposefully writing and photographing continue to linger.
Writing and photography have been on the "back burner" of my life for over twenty-five years. The excuse? I was raising four children and life was always "too busy". In reality, it was the easy way out - a way to protect me from the fear of failure and judgment. I was always listening to that ever-present "committee of self-doubt " ringing in my brain telling me, "You cannot do this. It is narcissistic. It is a waste of time. No one really cares..." Deciding to place my words and images on a blank page for the world to see feels as agonizing as stepping naked into a room full of people.
I think that you almost have to care enough to not care. You have to be willing to expose your raw self. As cliché as it might sound, if dave's ordeal brought forth one thought, it is the realization that life is short and we are not guaranteed a tomorrow. We have a choice to live life to the fullest…
It is absolutely ok to do so!
Today is the day I choose to live and embrace the freedom writing and photography bring! Here is to living and loving every moment because it is happening…a blank page, or blog rather, that represents a space for me to fill with words and photos that prove LIFE is happening!
Thank you, dave…
On we go… On we roll…
… m
At the time I remember not understanding this, as, for myself, writing brings forth a feeling of both freedom and connection. It offers a sort of calm from the chaos brewing within the folds of my gray matter and provides a quiet place to simply be…
So, today, as I begin my journey of blogging, I do so fully understanding that the fear of a blank page is a reality...
It never ceases to amaze me how death or the possibility of death changes one's perspective.
In June, our dear family friend, dave (Yes, lowercase D.), was awaiting a possibly terminal diagnosis. dave, a published writer and photographer, has always seemed to effortlessly capture the simple moments in life and display proof that we are, in fact, alive. Over the years, dave has been one of the few people that I have shared my love of writing and photography with. We have engaged in many wonderful conversations on the two subjects and, in "dave" fashion, he has always been encouraging and supportive of my writing and photography endeavors.
The weeks spent waiting for an answer on dave's fate seemed to linger endlessly. Time was passed sharing many emails and phone conversations with him. During those conversations, we candidly discussed "life" and "death". It was during these discussions when dave made a request for me to continue writing. "Please keep writing," he said. Processing this request was difficult… It felt as if it were almost a sort of moral imperative. Writing would keep a part of him alive. It would make up for the soon-to-be-lost moments of exchanging writing ideas and long photography walks. The suggested medium was a blog. I remember thinking to myself, great, just what the world needs, another blogger…
In July, we found out that dave's medical scare was just that - a scare. The world was not ready for dave to go and with fingers crossed we will have many more years to enjoy living life with him! Four months have passed since learning of dave's extended expiration date (Yes, that is intended to be funny), yet the thoughts of purposefully writing and photographing continue to linger.
Writing and photography have been on the "back burner" of my life for over twenty-five years. The excuse? I was raising four children and life was always "too busy". In reality, it was the easy way out - a way to protect me from the fear of failure and judgment. I was always listening to that ever-present "committee of self-doubt " ringing in my brain telling me, "You cannot do this. It is narcissistic. It is a waste of time. No one really cares..." Deciding to place my words and images on a blank page for the world to see feels as agonizing as stepping naked into a room full of people.
I think that you almost have to care enough to not care. You have to be willing to expose your raw self. As cliché as it might sound, if dave's ordeal brought forth one thought, it is the realization that life is short and we are not guaranteed a tomorrow. We have a choice to live life to the fullest…
It is absolutely ok to do so!
Today is the day I choose to live and embrace the freedom writing and photography bring! Here is to living and loving every moment because it is happening…a blank page, or blog rather, that represents a space for me to fill with words and photos that prove LIFE is happening!
Thank you, dave…
On we go… On we roll…
… m
Love it! Can't wait to read more!
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